


Keep it together, Squib - ENG

by MichelleCP



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Eventual Romance, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mentor Severus Snape, Original Universe, Siblings, Squibs, Teen Angst, Twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleCP/pseuds/MichelleCP
Summary: We are twin sisters. We should have had so much in common.Instead, we couldn't be more different.Because while my sister is a witch, I am a Squib.While she will go to Hogwarts, I will stay in my childhood home. A home that cannot bear that one of their daughters has turned out to be a Squib. A disappointment for the whole family.Maya is despised by her family for not being a witch, even though she should be one. To free her from her parents' hatred, her sister makes a deal with Dumbledore: Maya can support Filch so she can call Hogwarts home. Finally freed from the despise of her parents, she faces completely new challenges ...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

"Please don't go! Don't leave me! Not with them!" I literally clung to my sister. "Please, Marie!"  
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, but her lips trembled.   
"I have to go, Maya. The train is about to leave," she pressed. "I'd love to take you, but they won't let me." Now she looked up and looked around for a moment, holding her breath and gazing firmly into my eyes. "Maya, I will try what I can to come get you. Just a few days and then you can join me. Stay strong. You can do this. Okay?"   
Now it was me whose lips were trembling. My eyes burned, but I fought down the tears before they could fall. Then I nodded, swallowing down the plea that desperately wanted to get out.   
Just a few days. I could get through that.   
Hastily, Marie pulled me into her arms and whispered, "Love you, sis." before she let go of me and gave me a warm smile that instantly transferred to my lips, like a secret that only the two of us knew. Because our faces were so similar. Similar, not identical, even though we had been born only a few minutes apart. Even her brown hair was a little lighter than mine and her eyes just a touch greener. It was as if the universe had wanted to tell us from the beginning that even as twins we could not be more different. That we were even so fundamentally different.   
"You ready yet?" asked Dad, looking impatiently at the clock and finally at Marie. He didn't dignify me with even a glance.   
"Yes, Dad!" Marie quickly pressed a kiss to my cheek and then hurried to our parents, who had been talking briefly with acquaintances. Maries suitcases and the little ferret were waiting seemingly impatiently for her to take them onto the train. Actually, I wanted to run after her, wanted to wave to her as soon as the steam train left, taking her with it for the next few months. To Hogwarts.   
But my parents insisted that I keep as low a profile as possible. The fact that I had been allowed to enter Platform 9 ¾ at all had been the greatest exception of the century. If anyone were to see me. What would they think of my family then? A squib? A squib in our family? Impossible. The shame would be too great.   
So I pressed myself against one of the pillars of the platform and watched my sister get on, on her way to live her dream. Both of our dreams. Without me.   
I inhaled as I realized I had been holding my breath for a while.   
Then I closed my eyes.  
Just a few days. In just a few days, she would take me to Hogwarts as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the way: English is not my first language. Please have mercy! ;)

# Part 1 

**Chapter 1 - Doomed**

When I didn't hear from Marie after a few days, I told myself that it would just take a little while longer. But soon, very soon, she would come for me. 

After the first month, the uneasy feeling in my stomach grew. Every morning and every evening I sat by the window for a while, never taking my eyes off the street in front of the house. Nothing. No one. Not even an owl. 

But it wasn't until two months later that the hope inside me dissolved.  
Marie would not come for me. I had to come to terms with that.  
As soon as I admitted it to myself, the excitement, the nervousness I had felt, disappeared every time a letter arrived or someone rang the doorbell. The nausea in my stomach, on the other hand, got worse, but dull enough that I could ignore it.

Even if I had to give up the dream of Hogwarts, it didn't stop me from daydreaming. In fact, that was perhaps the only thing that sweetened my days, which blended together in their dreary monotony.  
My parents had put me in charge of cleaning and general tidying. Actually, with just them and me, there wasn't much to do in the house. But they always found something. And that was okay. What else was I going to do with myself?  
When this thought occurred to me while I was mopping the floor, I gulped. Because it was a lie that I couldn't do anything else with myself. Of course, I knew exactly what I could do instead. Besides Hogwarts.  
It was just that I hadn't been able to muster up the courage to ask for it yet. For that, I had to wait until Dad was in a particularly good mood. Even though that rarely happened since Marie was gone. Was it because I was the only one left? And because I was such a big disappointment? But I couldn't help it. The fact that I had no magic in me was least of all my fault. At least Marie had said so.  
And she knew what she was talking about. Didn't she? 

"Can I ..."  
I had been patient. Had waited until Dad had come home from work satisfied. Briefly, he'd even pulled Mum into a hug and planted a kiss on her mouth. And for the first time, in ages, his gaze wasn't completely somber as he looked at me. That he looked directly at me at all was a miracle. So, if not today, when?  
Still, I swallowed as his gaze bored deep into me at the dinner table after I said the first two words. I had never dared to ask for anything since I understood that I was the biggest disappointment of their life.  
Since I had turned seven, and should have long ago let things fly through the air with my thoughts like Marie had done with the dishes she hadn't wanted to wash. Since Marie and I had turned eleven and the owl had brought only one letter instead of two.  
Still, that night I summoned up the last of my courage and took a deep breath as I clutched at the cutlery.  
"Can I maybe go to a Muggle school?"  
My father's eyebrows twitched up a bit, barely noticeable, yet I suddenly felt cold. My mother's eyes slowly closed as she sighed soundlessly and slapped her hands in front of her face.  
My heart was racing, my mouth suddenly dry.  
"I mean, well, I mean, because ...", I stammered, taking a deep breath, even though the tears were already threatening to gather in my eyes. "Because I'm just here every day anyway. And in a school I could learn something, and ..."  
"Silence!" hissed Dad instantly, causing me to freeze.  
Weren't the reasons good enough? They had to be aware that I was wasting their time here and learning nothing.  
Now my father was breathing heavily, had clutched the knife in his hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.  
I had made him angry.  
"Darius, maybe we could ...," Mum whispered now, reaching for his hand, which my father hastily snatched away.  
"No way!" he insisted, shooting up. His fists shook before he slammed them loudly on the table, making me wince.  
And then he looked at me. Really, like he hadn't in years. He looked me in the eye, mused at me for a moment. How long I had wished that he would look at me just once. That he would acknowledge that I existed. But now that I saw the anger in it, I wished to be invisible again.  
I should never have asked.  
"Sorry, I was just-"  
"Silence, I said!" he interrupted, upset. He continued to press his hands firmly on the table, panting with strain. For a few moments, I couldn't move under his gaze. What was that? Fear? Sure, I had never dared to ask too much, didn't allow myself to want too much. But this fear, these clammy hands, that was new.  
I only knew the disappointment and annoyance in his eyes, not this. Not this anger.  
"There's no way my daughter is going to a Muggle school, you hear me?" he hissed. "It's bad enough you've become such a freak. If anyone would find out … Do you know what will happen then?" I felt as cold as ice. I wanted to throw up. Immediately. But I held it back, resisting the urge to avoid his gaze. "You're not entitled to any wishes in this house. No, you should be grateful, Maya." He emphasized my name, his mother's name. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, licked his lips. "Do you know what's in store for other Squibs out there? We could put you on the street, put you in a home for troubled kids. Your work here would be so much better done by a house elf. Unlike you, at least they can ..."  
"Use magic," it spilled out of me, barely audible. My voice trembled. My stomach clenched uncomfortably. When we were younger, younger than seven, we had sometimes played at friends' houses. The house elves had been their housekeepers. Creatures who existed only to serve others.  
And I was worth less.  
Immediately I lowered my eyes, looking at the food on my plate, which increased the nausea inside me.  
"You got it," Dad stated with satisfaction and sat back down, plunging his fork into a piece of meat.  
"Come on," my mother made, pointing to my untouched plate. "Time to wash up."  
Just for a second I dared to look up, dared to give her a questioning look. Begging her to do something. But instead of saying anything in response or giving me any glimmer of hope, she looked away and shook her head. 

I would be stuck here forever. 

\--- 

When Marie came home for Christmas, it was like I was dreaming. I greeted her with a smile. It didn't matter that she hadn't come back for me, because at least she was here now. She was finally back.  
I hadn't been allowed to pick her up with Mom and Dad, but as soon as she stepped through the door and spotted me, she fell into my arms. The grin on her cheeks was wide. And I wanted to return that, made an effort. Her embrace felt like it lasted an eternity. Her closeness was what I had missed for so long. The closeness to someone. That's why I clung to her, even as she tried to let go.  
"Maya, it's okay now." She laughed, trying to push me off her, then faltered. All of a sudden she held her breath and tried to look me in the eye. But I evaded her. Because even with the smile on my lips, she would certainly see the sadness in my eyes. But maybe she felt it even without looking me in the eyes. She did not force me to look at her, but instead took my hand and hurried up the stairs with me.  
The door to our room she just leaned ajar, as Mum and Dad wanted, then led me into the small walk-in closet, where she looked at me with wide eyes. I continued to struggle with the smile on my lips, but hers had long since disappeared.  
"Maya," she whispered, as if she was the one who had the right to be sad. She closed her eyes for a moment and then looked at me again. "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry. I wanted to come get you right away, but my head teacher said it wasn't that easy. And can you imagine how hard it is to talk to Dumbledore when you're in the same year as Harry Potter?" She rolled her eyes. "But I'll keep trying, I promise! I haven't forgotten about you."  
I pressed my lips together tightly shut, trying hard to smile at least a little.  
"You didn't even write to me." I didn't want it to sound as bitter as it came out, but I couldn't hold it back.  
Immediately Marie opened her mouth, only to close it again moments later and nod apologetically.  
"There's been so much going on. I've had so much to do, I ..." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, that's no excuse." Then she raised her hand with a wry smile. "I vow to do better."  
In response, I took her hand, which was so soft and warm that it felt good in my cold, scrubbed one. This time my smile was an honest one, one that came with a tear that I quickly wiped away.  
"Maya!" immediately escaped Marie, who hastily pulled me into her arms and held on tight.  
"It's okay," I took a deep breath. "It's okay. You're here now."  
"Maya, what have they been doing to you the last few months?" Marie was looking at my hands now, but could definitely guess who was now the cleaning lady in our house.  
"Never mind," I decided, hastily shaking my head. "You'd better tell me about Hogwarts." I raised my eyebrows curiously, pushing the darkness of the past few months out of my thoughts. "What was that about Harry Potter?"  
Marie hesitated briefly, but then seemed to understand that I was eager for that change of subject and pulled me to my feet with her.  
"This needs a storytelling session," she said, gesturing toward her bed, which had lain untouched for so long.  
Hastily, and with a surge of enthusiasm, I lit a candle in a jar, which we took with us to the little tent fort she was building out of her blanket. Just like before. 

"Ravenclaw?", I repeated in amazement after she told me about the talking hat. "Even though Mum and Dad were Hufflepuff and Slytherin? I wouldn't have expected that at all."  
"Beats me!” She laughed. "But it's perfect. My classmates are so awesome!"  
"And Harry Potter?", I wanted to know.  
"A Gryffindor, of course!" Again, she rolled her eyes. "The hat took quite a while to put him into a house, though. Weird boy. Definitely puts on quite a show."  
"Well, he's pretty special, I guess." I shrugged.  
"Oh my god, you’re saying something!" Now Marie laughed out. "Went straight Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And fought a troll on Halloween. And got points for the house cup for it too, although that was pretty dangerous!" She shook her head. "Crazy, right?"  
"There was a troll at Hogwarts?" I backed away, blinking. "Creepy."  
"Very creepy! Maybe it's better that you weren't there after all." With that, she poked me playfully on the shoulder, but the words hurt despite that.  
I would rather have been fighting a troll than being stuck here.  
I closed my eyes as Marie described the castle to me afterward, all the hallways, the moving staircases, and the many talking portraits. She told of ghosts playing tricks, and of the professors. About her wand and what she had learned, even if she left out the details here. Maybe so as not to make me too envious of what I should have had just like her, but didn't.  
But I didn't focus at all on what I couldn't have. Instead, I let her feed my imagination so that my daydreams could only become more realistic when she was gone again. I would imagine what it would have been like if we had both gone to Hogwarts. Surely we both would have become Ravenclaws and shared one of the bunk beds. I imagined how we would have sat together in the classroom and passed notes to each other. How we would have gotten excited together about Harry Potter. The boy who needed too much attention.  
And the magic. Most of all, I imagined what it would feel like to do magic, even if that was the one thing I would 100% never be able to experience for myself. 

"And the hat was completely sure?" our father asked over dinner, eyeing his witch daughter with interest.  
"One hundred percent!" replied Marie with a confidence I was so unfamiliar for her. "And be sure, Dad, I wouldn't have wanted to go to Slytherin anyway. Professor Snape is bad enough, but then Draco Malfoy and his crew? I don't need that in my life."  
Now a grin spread across our father's lips. One that stung me: it was full of pride. And that, although his daughter did not follow in his footsteps. But with that, I could understand him for the first time in a long time. I was also proud of Marie. The sudden independence in her voice made her admirable.  
"You should still be nice to Draco Malfoy," our mother chimed in, also beaming as she placed a few extra potatoes on her witch daughter's plate. "After all, his father is a pretty big shot among the purebloods and our families have been friends for a long time, even if we don't approve of everything he's done."  
Marie rolled her eyes.  
"Yeah, yeah, don't worry." Now she grinned. "He's in enough trouble with Harry Potter as it is."  
At that, Dad shook his head.  
"I can't believe that boy is actually going to Hogwarts now."  
"It was only a matter of time," Mum replied with a shrug. "You being in the same year is unfortunate, of course. But as long as you stay away from him ..."  
"Why, actually?", I naively wanted to know.  
Immediately our parents fell silent, avoiding my questioning gaze again.  
"Well, because he steals my thunder." Marie grinned conspiratorially. Then she turned to Mum and Dad, smiling her sweetest smile. "Can I actually take Maya with me when I go back? To visit? So she can see Hogwarts too?"  
My eyebrows jumped up in surprise. I hadn't expected her to ask them about it so openly.  
"No way!" My father's words were final.  
Nevertheless, Marie started again.  
"But I thought that-"  
"No!" he insisted a little louder, causing Marie to gulp.  
"We have a reputation to lose," Mum declared without being asked to explain, glancing back and forth between Marie and me before turning to her husband, who was visibly taking a deep breath.  
After that, the mood at the table was uncomfortably cold, but at least I didn't have to do the dishes that night. 

We spent the rest of Marie's Christmas vacation mostly out in the snow, as far away from our parents as possible. As long as Marie was there, they left me alone and I enjoyed not having to clean every day. Instead, we fantasized about dragons and trolls that we both were defeating together. Like we really did go to Hogwarts together, like we were both witches. How long had it been since I felt so free and light? I enjoyed every second with my sister, and yet saying goodbye again came far too quickly. Like in a single blink of an eye we were already embracing for the last time for many months.  
"I'll do my best to talk to Dumbledore," Marie whispered in my ear before Dad drove her to the train station. With that, she squeezed my hands and I squeezed hers, once again giving me hope that I hardly dared let into my heart. 

But it was only a day after Marie's departure when everything changed. Just a simple mistake that could have happened to anyone.  
It wasn't even one particular glass that fell to the floor while washing up, just one of many. But of course - of course - it was one of his favorite glasses. Of course, it was one of the few that couldn't be fixed with a spell. Immediately I crouched down to collect the shards, to make up for my mistake quickly. I had to be quick if I didn't want to get screamed at again.  
But this time it was different.  
I heard his heavy footsteps, so I hurried, cutting two of my fingers with the glass. I didn't let that show, though, grinning broadly instead as I looked up at him.  
"Already cleaned up!", I proudly presented the clean floor, but my father's gaze darkened instead of softening.  
He suddenly eyed me as if he was seeing me for the first time properly. Different for the first time, not like a daughter. More like a stranger, like a servant.  
"Stand up," he hissed so coldly it sent a shiver down my spine.  
I swallowed, holding my breath for a moment as I stood up. I quickly hid the bleeding fingers behind my back.  
And then, without saying a word, without warning, he slapped me in the face. The pain exploded so surprisingly that I recoiled in fright. Involuntarily, my mouth stood open.  
For a long moment I stared at him, resisting the urge to put a hand to my stricken spot and hastily blinking away the tears.  
Then, without a word, he turned and disappeared, leaving me to sink to the floor and cry. 

He had never hit me before.


End file.
